Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
