It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
