The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
