He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
