Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
