saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone signed my nipple.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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