My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
