it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
