dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
