This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize