im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
