Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize