I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize