Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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