Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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