I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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