Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
