well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
