Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
