tell your sister to shave her snatch
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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