we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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