Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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