my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
