it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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