dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
