literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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