Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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