I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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