I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
