I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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