an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
