i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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