Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
