i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
