i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
