Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
