capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
