It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
