Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
