I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
