i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
