I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
