just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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