I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
