happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
