ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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