bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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