I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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