There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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