the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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