When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
