I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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