I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
