OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
