omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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