in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
