Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
