If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
