Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
