i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
