so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
