Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
