How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
