this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
