it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize